Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
