Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
