Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
