It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need to sanitize my soul.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
