whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
