I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
