I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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