3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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