Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
