Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
