Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
