so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
