look no pants
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
