super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
