there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
