captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
