When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
