I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
