remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
