I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have aggressive nipples.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
