your thong is hanging out like whoa
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
