I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
