Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
