Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
