we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
