just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize