I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
