I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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