You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
