Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
