If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
