I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The beer is more important than you right now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is Oprah even human
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
