WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
