just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize