I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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