how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
