Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize