You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
