i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
