you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
