Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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