Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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