the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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