I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
