I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
