My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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