I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize