it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
