maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
