i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
