True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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