Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
