sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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