i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize