That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
time to smoke my breakfast
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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