Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
