U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just threw up on my dentist
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
