dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im holly from the hills drunk
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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