I hope mine doesn't look like that
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
