I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
