We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
