I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
