Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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