BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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