Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
