no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
