And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
