I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have fence marks all over my body
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
